Bus etiquette 101

I have several theories about people who talk loudly on cell phones on the bus. One is that this person was a hipster holdout, that is, someone who resisted getting a cell phone until about 2010 and is still going through the awkward "I can talk to you from anywhere" phase. Another is the type of person who has a short attention span and hates riding the bus, but hates more to pay for parking downtown (so they hide & ride in your neighborhood and punish your whole bus to listening to their convos). We'll call him...Guy in a Suit. I hate to say it, but the loud people are almost always men. Yeah.

Here are some typical conversations you can use to identify these riders.

Hipster Holdout: Hey man, I was just on the bus and I thought I'd check in...yeah - I'm calling you from the bus! I know, I'm almost home but...why not call you from the bus? Oh, hold on, I'm getting another call.

[Note: The Hipster Holdouts are also often guilty of talking on the phone while riding their bike, which is even more terrifying.]

Guy in a Suit: Hey, I'll be there in about 12 minutes, but I was wondering if you could read me all my emails in the mean time. I'm so bored! Hold on, I'm writing this down - wait, I'll put you on speaker so I can take notes.

To these and other offenders, I have one word for you: texting. Texting! It was invented so people could ride the bus in peace. True story.

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Location:The 50 bus